Week Eight: Meditations on the New Romantic Interest
As I've mentioned before, being a writer is oftentimes a practice in discipline, self assessment, and diligence. There are days, like today, when the prospect of sitting down in front of a computer to mull over my thoughts for the week as it relates to my #30Before30 project just seems utterly and impossibly dull. Truthfully, minus one thing which I will touch on quite briefly, there hasn't been much going on lately. This is perhaps not a terrible thing but a delightful thing; I rather enjoy the low-key routine of work during the week and play on the weekends. I'm simple that way.
Let's talk about what I have accomplished: dating someone new.
Now, I wouldn't say that this individual and I are dating just yet. To be frank, I don't know what we are but I'm considering this item crossed off because we did in fact go out. There's some part of me that doesn't want to talk about this, as though it were special or secret or something to be sequestered away, quiet and kept in shadow. Part of the experience of sharing my life through this blog and the project itself is learning to express vulnerability and honesty about who I am, what I'm doing, and what I'm experiencing--whether it be good, bad, or just in between. And yet, I am reserved. Why don't I want to share this? One, because I have no certainty that its worth sharing. Who knows what six months from now will look like and it's been my experience that speaking anything out loud is sure to incite doom. Everyone knows the natural state of the universe is entropy so sharing at length my feelings on this new person will surely mean that it's doomed to failure. I'm also not so heavily inclined to talk about it because this feels like the only thing that I have for just myself. Right now, especially because of this project, my whole life feels like it's on display. Is it so unjust to want this thing, whatever it turns out to be, to be just mine for a while? I think not.
Therefore, I won't talk about it. #SorryNotSorry. It's entirely possible that if this person turns out to be someone I intend on keeping for any significant length of time, perhaps I'll talk about him but for now, I think I'll keep this for me.
Moving on!
I've been in the search for a new place to live and the prospects are, well, slim. With my current income, knowing what I can and cannot afford, it seems as though my boundaries are continually being pushed. Without even having looked at anything seriously (minus one absolutely beautiful, slightly out of budget, but positively gorgeous apartment in downtown Loveland, the likes of which I will probably never see again), I am already making concessions for things that are important to me. Well, maybe I can manage a few younger college aged women. I'd prefer to live with folks closer to my age but I'm not finding anything. I suppose that I could live with some younger people as long as they're clean. Maybe I should consider Greeley. The cost of living is more affordable there but I don't want to commute. Ughhhhh
Something is bound to come up sooner or later! Right? RIGHT?
I'll tell you one thing: this apartment searching has been giving me the nesting bug. There is absolutely, positively no shame in telling you that I so badly want to be that person. You know the one that has a beautiful clear bowl of fake plastic fruit on the kitchen table because it's aesthetically pleasing. Or candles in shallow bowls with coffee beans because it looks nice and smells good. Or the person whose home looks like it would or should be in a decorating magazine with a brightly colored couch that's decidedly not covered in dog hair and has just the perfect accent color throw blanket casually draped over top. Maybe a few decorative pillows with cute little sayings like "Coffee first, everything else later". I know I'm a little extra but who doesn't dream about a well decorated apartment?
If nothing else, I know that when I do eventually find a place (and who knows, maybe the universe will work some magic and I'll get that gorgeous apartment in downtown Loveland with two roommates who don't completely suck?! It's not probable but it is possible!), I look forward to making it my own space. Even if that means doing so with little money and few resources, I know it'll be mine.
Until next week, friends!
Let's talk about what I have accomplished: dating someone new.
Now, I wouldn't say that this individual and I are dating just yet. To be frank, I don't know what we are but I'm considering this item crossed off because we did in fact go out. There's some part of me that doesn't want to talk about this, as though it were special or secret or something to be sequestered away, quiet and kept in shadow. Part of the experience of sharing my life through this blog and the project itself is learning to express vulnerability and honesty about who I am, what I'm doing, and what I'm experiencing--whether it be good, bad, or just in between. And yet, I am reserved. Why don't I want to share this? One, because I have no certainty that its worth sharing. Who knows what six months from now will look like and it's been my experience that speaking anything out loud is sure to incite doom. Everyone knows the natural state of the universe is entropy so sharing at length my feelings on this new person will surely mean that it's doomed to failure. I'm also not so heavily inclined to talk about it because this feels like the only thing that I have for just myself. Right now, especially because of this project, my whole life feels like it's on display. Is it so unjust to want this thing, whatever it turns out to be, to be just mine for a while? I think not.
Therefore, I won't talk about it. #SorryNotSorry. It's entirely possible that if this person turns out to be someone I intend on keeping for any significant length of time, perhaps I'll talk about him but for now, I think I'll keep this for me.
Moving on!
I've been in the search for a new place to live and the prospects are, well, slim. With my current income, knowing what I can and cannot afford, it seems as though my boundaries are continually being pushed. Without even having looked at anything seriously (minus one absolutely beautiful, slightly out of budget, but positively gorgeous apartment in downtown Loveland, the likes of which I will probably never see again), I am already making concessions for things that are important to me. Well, maybe I can manage a few younger college aged women. I'd prefer to live with folks closer to my age but I'm not finding anything. I suppose that I could live with some younger people as long as they're clean. Maybe I should consider Greeley. The cost of living is more affordable there but I don't want to commute. Ughhhhh
Something is bound to come up sooner or later! Right? RIGHT?
I'll tell you one thing: this apartment searching has been giving me the nesting bug. There is absolutely, positively no shame in telling you that I so badly want to be that person. You know the one that has a beautiful clear bowl of fake plastic fruit on the kitchen table because it's aesthetically pleasing. Or candles in shallow bowls with coffee beans because it looks nice and smells good. Or the person whose home looks like it would or should be in a decorating magazine with a brightly colored couch that's decidedly not covered in dog hair and has just the perfect accent color throw blanket casually draped over top. Maybe a few decorative pillows with cute little sayings like "Coffee first, everything else later". I know I'm a little extra but who doesn't dream about a well decorated apartment?
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| Kara Danvers' apartment is everything goals. Unattainable goals. |
Until next week, friends!
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