Week Forty: Accepting Criticism Like a Goddamn Adult

There is a difference between accepting criticism and being self critical. One requires you to internalize another person's opinions and actively take those ideas into consideration. Is this something I believe to be true? Is this something that I can or should work on? The other requires you to measure progress by whatever self-imposed standards are in place, forcing you into the headspace of self improvement by your own judgements. While both are good to practice, it's arguably true that criticism from others is likely a better threshold by which to compare one's own growth. You are your own worst critic, right? And at least in my experience, our biggest blind spots in life tend to be about ourselves, our own shortcomings. Self criticism also requires a measure of honesty about what you're trying to accomplish. It's not fair to judge yourself based on outrageous guidelines. E.G. "I better be a successful millionaire by the time I'm thirty or my life will have been for nothing!". 

All that being said, learning to take criticism is something I'm still working on.

Earlier this week, I had a review with my bosses at work and it's been true lately that I've been feeling out of sorts when it comes to my job. The slow season in property management (at least so far as I can tell - I've only been there for a little less than a year) entails a lot of sitting around, finding winter projects, "business housekeeping", and preparing for the next rental season. Frankly, I just don't enjoy being bored and that monotony started to wear me down, make me question what I was even doing there. Was I qualified to be doing what I was doing? What if all of my efforts were for naught? Why does no one have anything for me to do? Why does no one want my help?

One of the the projects that I spearheaded early on both to establish my tenacity and desire to succeed was taking over all of the social media for the company. It's been my experience that some of the most successful local businesses have both a strong social media presence and willingness to adapt with the ever changing media landscape. And even with that undertaking, especially given that the company had previously never really had anyone working on it consistently, I've felt stuck lately. Bored. Blase. Much like the work itself, that task had also slowed down considerably.

When we sat down for my review, the feedback I got ,while productive, made me bristle. I was ready to go to war for my actions and fight for my accomplishments. But I remained collected, legs crossed, trying to maintain my composure. Especially in areas where I feel certain of myself or certain of my abilities, getting unexpected feedback is difficult. I didn't want to hear about the thing that I need to improve upon or the ways in which I haven't met the appropriate expectations.

But ultimately, the goal of any evaluation is for the benefit of the employee, right? It's to make me better, give me space to grow? Isn't that what I should want?

And yes, I think those are things that I want but I also want everyone to think I'm perfect and delightful forever and always.

My brain is really dumb sometimes.

So, I have some stuff to work on. Don't we all? Perhaps when I'm done berating myself for having failed in this one responsibility and instead having found joy in the challenge of improvement, I'll be less grumpy about the whole thing.

Until then, I still plan on showing up and smiling and attempting to make both my life and the lives of my colleagues worthwhile. Oh, I also got a raise. So, there's that.

Here's to a good week, friends!