The Compounding Nature of Happiness

Something occurred to me recently: happiness is a choice. 

Though I could certainly offer a thousand or more reasons (excuses) why I've been absent, the truth of the matter is that life happens and along with it, we roll with the punches. Yes, I have been gone and yes, I have been preoccupied with all manner of other things. Such is life. Everyone has a burden to bear and the way that we deal with those struggles is what defines us. 

Here's what I can tell you: just like I have always done, I try to make the best of my circumstances. The never-ending journey to self-improvement and choosing to be a better me each day is always on my to-do list. Sometimes, I am not great at it, but I am trying to give myself the grace to be fallible. 

Here's one example: 

In the fall of 2021, after losing a job that I really loved (or at least thought I did), I made the choice to try something new and pursue a career in writing. Thus far, it hasn't really worked out. Sure, I landed a couple of clients but if we're being truthful, those clients were kind of handed to me because of a connection. I didn't really earn it. And if we're being extra truthful, after wrapping up one of those contracts, my client was altogether not happy. I couldn't even tell you why. Though it had always been communicated to me that the project had no deadline, my client was seemingly upset at the length of time it took to complete. My request for feedback was ignored and the whole interaction left a poor taste in my mouth. 

We'll call that one a learning experience about which kinds of projects I should be taking. 

My second client, for reasons of her own, had to put the project on hold indefinitely and though I still intend on finishing the book for her, I don't know what the future of that enterprise is. Maybe she'll be ready to pick it up again when her own circumstances are a bit easier to manage. It could also be true that maybe I'm not the right person to field her story. Hard to say for sure. Either way, I'm out two clients for what I hoped would be the beginning of my professional portfolio as a freelance writer and truth be told, I haven't even touched my own project since May when Tom quit the restaurant (that's a whole other story). 

Part of growing as a person is learning to accept our shortcomings and either work toward a solution or find a new path. Writing is something I've always done. Even as a kid, I relished the opportunity to write an essay instead of literally anything else. But does my love of writing mean I am cut out to do this professionally? 

I've spent a lot of time in the past couple of months thinking about the kind of person I want to be and the goals that I want to achieve. Being a published author has been on the top of my list for years but what if I'm not cut out for it? Modern authors have to do so much more than just write a good book. Writers are not merely story tellers but they're also public figures. Some of the most successful modern authors are also social media figures and entrepreneurs; they're influencers and content creators; they're masters of guerilla marketing and have a natural charisma attracting readers or followers. 

I don't really feel like any of those things. 

To be frank, I love the art of storytelling, the nuance of communicating intimate ideas and moral quandaries; but, I'm not really convinced that I would be any good at the rest of that. I kind of suck at social media. Clearly. 

So, what do I do with that information? I could be rightfully bummed out that I'm not doing particularly well at building my freelance writing business or I could choose to just let happen what will happen. As odd as it sounds for someone like me, who is historically neurotic, I'm just going to roll with the punches. 

I think every single person I know has at one time or another told me to stop living for the future. For as long as I've been alive, there has been some part of me that pined for the next thing, the next opportunity, or the next accomplishment. Don't get me wrong, I love that I'm historically ambitious, but let's be honest: this proclivity has also gotten in the way more than once. 

What does this mean? Moving forward, I'm going to stop giving myself deadlines, I'm going to stop planning for when and how I want to get published. Starting immediately, I'm going to stop planning a wedding that hasn't even happened yet (don't worry, we're not engaged yet. I'd be crazy to drop that information with no notice). I'm just going to live through the moment. I'll keep writing and living my life and loving it. Along the way, maybe I'll find ways to build my business that feel authentic to me without giving into consumerism and its many nefarious tendrils. 

As I've gotten older, I've found that choosing to be happy with life's circumstances tends to yield a better outcome. In the past six months, we've had quite a lot of difficult and unexpected trials but despite it, I'm quite happy. It's so much easier to let things go and choose to be happy with my lot, whatever that looks like in the moment. 

And why shouldn't I be happy? I've got an incredible partner who is funny, kind, intelligent, and continues to be my best friend through everything. We have a sweet and dumb dog who makes our lives interesting and fun. Our friends are some of the best folks we know and together, we're working toward goals that we believe in for the life we want to build together. Life can on occasion suck beyond the telling of it but boy is it a good one. 

Hope you're having an amazing summer, my friends. Soak up the sunshine and make the best of it. 

Loves.

Oh, yeah! I also dyed my hair blue. Neat, right?