Week Ten: Ch-Ch-Changes

This week's post is sponsored by David Bowie. 

Sometimes, life happens all at once and before you can even begin to process its events, the next moment has come to demand your attention; it almost seems as though the very life you just experienced was a just a distant ripple in the pond, the stone of action already long sunk to the bottom. 

A few years ago, I took something of a risk, finding a new place to live in Fort Collins. The apartment where I was living, though spacious and filled with the love and companionship of my good friend Jules, was realistically out of my budget and had the unfortunate downside of another roommate whose very existence still to this day makes my skin crawl. I digress. While I was searching for a place to live, I stumbled upon a Craiglist ad for someone who was looking for a roommate. This person seemed to align with all of the things that were important to me: cleanliness, punctuality, beer. 

If you haven't figured it out already (because I'm ninety percent positive I've told this story once already), this so-called risk was probably one of the best decisions I ever made in my life because it led me to one of my best friends Ashley. If I had known all those years ago how lucky I would be to have her in my life, I probably would have opted to meet her ages before. And now this chapter of our friendship is coming to a turning point: she's moving to California. 

It's selfish of me, I know, to want her to stay here but I can't help but feel what I feel. I'm certain that this feeling of wanting to hold the things that are dear to me close is one she has also felt before; after all, I was the first one to leave. Through all this, I can say one thing for absolute certain: distance will not dampen us. Two years ago, after we'd been living together for a while, she made the very brave decision to move two and a half hours south to figure out herself, to figure out her life. And while distance can often be the catalyst for some friendships to fall by the wayside, ours never did. California certainly won't change that. 

Today, while we sat outside in the unseasonably warm March sun, the wind making our hair slightly crazy and laughing over the goofy things we've done, drinking beer and eating tacos, I was reminded how fortunate it is to love someone, to be loved by them so unconditionally. It's such a privilege to have such wonderful people in my life, Ashley among them.

Speaking of wonderful people, of which I am abundantly blessed, let me talk about my friend Tamra for a minute. Sometimes, you get lucky, and you meet someone who understands you so completely, understands your struggles because they, too, have experienced them. Or maybe they understand your point of view because they share it. My friend Tamra is one of these people. From the very minute I met her working at Dazbog approximately one million years ago, she and I have been kindred spirits. She understands me and I understand her; we always seem to be on similar wavelengths. 

A while back, after having just come back to Colorado, I had been coerced out of the house by some friends, the very souls who recognized that even though I would be poor company, my company was worth having. It was during this outing where I saw a band I liked, Blitzen Trapper, was playing at Wash Bar, a recently renovated dive in Old Town that was now less of a dive and more of an awesomely updated local music venue. I can't quite pinpoint what possessed me to see this show because at that time, I certainly wasn't in the mindset of wanting to leave the house or do things ever. But knowing that Tamra would like them, I messaged her. Though I'd only recently discovered them, I'm always a fan of going out for concerts and let me tell you, it was definitely worth the outing. Before the show, we stood around catching up over drinks, as friends are apt to do, and I was overcome with gratitude. There's nothing like coming out of depression to remind you how fortunate and how lucky you are to have good people. It's easy to have relationships with toxic people, and we've all experienced that, but actively choosing good, loving, gracious people takes work. 

At the beginning of this year, the person in the picture below would have never been so inclined to leave the house for a concert, much less hang out with anyone. I felt like I didn't deserve it. But people like Tamra consistently remind me that while investing in good relationships is important, so is self care. I am so lucky. 

As you all know, one of my goals for this year is to read twelve new books and I'm sorry to say that I'm already behind. I got about halfway through my second book of the year and though I intended on finishing last weekend, illness struck and I spent the majority of my time laying in bed attempting to breathe through bouts of constant coughing. Though the cold has subsided (the cough hasn't, however. So rude), I have yet to actually pick up my book to finish it. If I had to guess, there are probably three hundred or so pages left. This challenge begs the question if the goals I've set out for myself are hard deadlines? If I fail to read twelve new books this year, is the whole thing a moot point? The guilt of having not finished my second book before the start of the new month is just killing me and I don't seem to have enough discipline yet to actually read during the week; by the time I get home from work, I'm so wiped from the day that my focus is usually: play with the dog, feed myself, feed her, go to bed. Often in that exact order. Maybe I can finish this second book and read something really short so that when April comes, I'm not two books behind. The downside of being a perfectionist - and yes, I am working on this because I recognize its not realistic and quite detrimental - is that once I've ultimately failed to complete something, the motivation to pick things back up is almost non-existent. 

One day at a time, friends. 

The last thing for this week, because it has been a very full week, is that I'm working on replenishing and re-doing my wardrobe. I'm choosing to purchase thrifted or discounted items for right now knowing that I'll continue to lose weight on my keto diet. But I have to tell you that much like coming out of depression by surrounding yourself with good people, buying new clothes feels a lot like a reward for being a functioning person. One of the pieces I bought is this gorgeous pair of green pants that makes my butt look just awesome. Sorry not sorry. It's great. I also finally bought some new underwear (and trust me when I say this was long overdue; I don't even remember the last time I bought underwear). There's nothing like a new pair of panties to give your booty a boost. 

Happy Sunday, friends!