Week Five: Writing is Not Romantic & Being a "Weekender" Goth
Real talk: I've been working on my blog all day trying to figure out what it is that I wanted to talk about. It's usually the case that throughout the week, I'll jot down ideas for things that might be worth discussing or somehow relay what's going on in my days as it relates to my list. Originally, my topic for this week was going to be on love and identity. But it's just not coming to me, which is more frustrating than you can imagine.
From a very early age, words came naturally to me. I was speaking, reading, and writing earlier than my peers and always had an easy grasp of language. The same couldn't be said for other things like math and science (which is largely why I had to have a tutor for every part of my education) but writing was always easy. Especially in the academic setting, I always relished having the option for an essay rather than some kind of other project because even a half-assed essay would take me no time at all.
And yet today, I'm struggling. I can't seem to figure out what it is that I want to say or how to say it. Maybe my original topic can be put off for another week or so but this wall of being unable to get past my own head is driving me absolutely batty. Where are my thoughts? Why can't I flush them out? What's another word for fucking frustrated?
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| Hiro gets it |
That's the thing that no one tells you about being a writer: it's not romantic. A lot of it is sitting down and learning to be self critical and fighting with a computer screen trying to make the ideas in your head leap onto the screen in some semblance of coherent thought.
At the moment, my ideas are just one big jumbled mess, the likes of which even I can barely understand.
Oh, well! That's life.
I'll keep this one short, seeing as I have so little foundation on which to write for this week. My new job is really, really nice so far. I've worked a handful of places over the years and most folks are generally friendly when you're the new person; it's not been my experience, at least as far as I can recall, that everyone was immediately friendly. My co workers have been incredibly welcoming and helpful. I'm really hoping that this job turns into something I can stay at long term. It helps that the turn-over rate for this place is exceptionally low. Aside from myself, the next newest person at the company has been there for two years, which I consider to be a good sign. It feels like it will be a rewarding challenge. Plus, it has all of the adult-like benefits that people my age look for: great starting pay, consistent full-time hours, benefits, PTO. All of those lovely perks.
Lastly, on a completely unrelated note, my mom, Aunt, close friend Sarah, and I all went out to an 80's themed night at a local bar. Because I always tend to lean on the goth aesthetic, I opted to dress up as Siouxie Sioux. Unabashedly, I've always loved all things goth, especially of the 80's variety. Though I lack the discipline for dressing up in that fashion (it takes a lot of work and time), I'm the first one to jump at an all black outfit and rock a dark lip. That's kind of my sweet spot. Last night's shindig kind of makes me wish there were a local scene in which I could dress this way more often! It was suggested that I start one in Fort Collins but being a "weekender" it might feel inauthentic, which begs the question: can someone who doesn't live or dress a particular way all the time consider themselves part of a subculture? Who knows? That's a question for another day when I'm better able to actually write, unlike today when my brain is dumb.
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| My take on the famous goth icon. Needs more volume. |
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| Siouxsie Sioux. Her hair is way better than mine. |
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