Week Three: Puppy Snuggles & My BFF Jupiter

In the early mornings, when my limbs are heavy with sleep, it is often the case that my sweet, stinky, adorable dog sits up in bed and puts a paw on my arm, rousing me from slumber to say "Mom, get upppppp. I'm hungry". 

Morning Snuggles

It used to be the case that I would get up with her and just start the day because by nature I am a morning person. Lately, however, I've just been crawling back into the warmth of a cozy, dog hair covered bed for another couple of hours because while I could have gone to sleep at a reasonable hour, I've been opting to stay up until two AM binge watching YouTube videos instead. 

This is one of the many symptoms of depression. Sometimes, I get so caught up in my head that leaving the cycle of self-inflicted mental abuse is impossible. But on days like today, when the skies are clear and my dog looks at me with unconditional love and adoration, I find the strength to get out of bed and push on. 

Little steps, my friends. Little steps. 

It's my general belief that the universe gives us what we need when we need it. Not always, but generally. Sometimes that means that my car makes it the extra two miles to the gas station before I completely run out. Sometimes that means that when I wake up up in the mornings, there is fresh coffee already brewed and hot in the kitchen. And in the case of this particular week, the universe has been providing me with the opportunity to get out of the house with friends all at the low, low cost of practically nothing (save for a dinner with my BFF Casey Sue). 

Earlier in the week, a dear friend of mine, whose life is alight with art and music and love, had invited me to her house for a birthday shindig. Admittedly, I was nervous about going. What if all of her friends thought I was weird? Or smelly? Or odd? I should have known that I didn't have a single thing to fear: good people attract other good people. Though I didn't know many folks there, the outing afforded me the opportunity to get outside of my own head for a while and remember all of the things that I do love about my life--the people in it, the things I get to do, the chance to seek adventure. Going out made me feel a little less like a loser and more like a person. Look at me! I'm walking and talking and not sulking in the corner! Victory! I could envision myself six months from now, not living at home with my folks, in an apartment with my dog, decorated with books and art and records. It made looking forward almost exciting (though still slightly terrifying). 

The thing about life is that it is sometimes hard and sometimes painful and a lot of the time confusing AF. Much like parenthood (so I'm told anyway), there's no manual for being an adult. There's no direct path from start to finish and success is never a straight line. What makes it all easier is good people, good choices, and a lot of self love. I'm still working on those last two but am pleased to say that I have the first one down pat. 

Which reminds me...

Let me spend a minute to talk about one of my three best friends: Ashley. You've already heard about Casey Sue and Lauren so far but I have not yet mentioned Ashley, my "Jupiter". A few years ago, I was living in Fort Collins with another great friend of mine and needed to find a new place. The apartment where I was living at the time was right next to CSU campus and in a constant state of noise. People traipsing in and out of the apartment at all hours of the night because one of our roommates, the lynch pin in an otherwise harmonious household, had no concept of respect for privacy, waking hours, or personal space. So, I began looking for somewhere else to live, somewhere that my schedule wouldn't be consistently interrupted by drunken shenanigans at three in the morning, or ukulele music in the dead of night. 

Not terribly far into my search, I stumbled upon a Craiglist ad for a home in south Fort Collins. It had all of the stuff that I was looking for: an expectation of general cleanliness, a very sweet Heeler (who now belongs to me! Or more appropriately, I belong to her), the love of good beer and company. If I had known then that meeting Ashley would fundamentally change my life, I would have opted to meet her years ago. Sure, we fought. Friends do that. But I am better because of her. She has consistently supported me when I probably didn't deserve it, had my back when I needed the backup, and educated me on my severe lack of movie knowledge, the likes of which are still being remedied today (I mean, Star Wars is on my #DirtyThirty list for this year!). Through and through. Then, after living together for a couple of years, she had to move South to be with her sister. It's been my experience that most friendships fall by the wayside when distance becomes a factor but not us. I still talk to her everyday and laugh at the absolutely ridiculous posts she sends me from Reddit. I'll channel Jupiter right now to say that this bitch is my bitch pretty much forever.

Keeping ourselves entertained during a yard sale

My two favorite bitches

Having a constant supporter like Ashley has been my saving grace more than once. We're even (kind of) doing this blogging thing together. She's been blogging for a bit longer than I have but should you have the opportunity to read her work, you should. Because that bitch is funny. 

This blog has gone on long enough so I think I'll end it here with some good news. I've been doing fairly well on my keto diet though I have slipped up a few times. However, with keeping better track of what I'm eating and cutting out grains and sugar, I have managed to lose seven pounds! Which I suppose is kind of cool. Once I have an income and can afford to go to the gym, maybe I'll start to feel better in my own skin. Here's to hoping! Until next week.